Mayday! Mayday! We are going down!  Mayday! Mayday!  Often the only time you hear this expression is in a movie or television program.  You say, asking for help isn’t the American way? Yet all great enterprises—including our nation—were built on support, teamwork, and collaboration.

Mayday comes from the French m’aidez (pronounced much like the English word mayday) and literally translates to ‘help me.’”  Then, why is it so difficult for us to ask for help? 

I went to my groups of Marilyn’s Way and asked this question. Without thinking too much about this, quickly answer why do you have a difficult time asking for things?  Here are nine responses from you.

 1.  Because I am an independent person and introverted.

2.  I don’t want to inconvenience someone else.

3.  Fear of rejection.

 4.  Fear of being belittled for asking.

5.   I sometimes struggle with the lie that I don’t deserve help.

 6.  Too stubborn to ask and to proud.

7.  Because I don’t want to inconvenience others and it when I do ask it seems to be a HUGE bother and I never seem to be able pay off the “indebtedness” to their satisfaction….. in short – I get the short end of the stick and get poked with it over & over. So, I quit asking. 

8.  I am afraid people will think poorly of me. And I believe some of them do. It is embarrassing to try to explain why I need help.

9.  Because I often feel that if I was more organised I wouldn’t have to ask. So I feel at fault.

They all seem valid enough to me.  I am struggling with the same thing as I adventure into the world of blogging.  In my family growing up it just wasn’t something we would ask.  We were too busy trying to survive in a difficult family situation.  The skills were never developed properly.  Many of us learn from our parents and it is in direct correlation as to how we respond.  Many times we don’t know what it is that we need help with and ask the wrong questions.

The last question is what I have been dealing with.  I am still learning the language of blogging.  I don’t know the word I need to use to ask for the help I need.  It is that simple.

Another thing I find is that I tend to go to an empty well.  I am asking the wrong person.  They simply do not have the capacity and desire to help me.

How do I overcome this?  By starting out with asking simple questions for simple things for help.  Ask like this, “I was wondering if you could help me.”  Here you are opening up a small window before you give all of yourself to the question.  From there, listen to your gut.  You will know whether you feel comfortable to ask the question.

We as a society need to look to each other for support.  If we learn to ask the right question, maybe we will get the answer yes.

For more information on this subject, check out Mayday!: Asking for Help in Times of Need by  M Nora Klaver. 

What are your experiences in asking for something?  I would love to hear from you.